Sweet Sixteen

Prep School, hamba loceng, grey, roll call, lights off, common room, asal lak common room? fire drill, knuckle.

New Hostel, Lata Kekabu, rebel, sampin 1 petak, duck walk, freak match Dorm 10, tukar baju laju-laju, mengira bintang dibalik awan, burnt banner.

Big School, cuak, kadir-kadir, rampa, pompoy, lesen, beruk, ular, senior comm, graveyard, night court, let go, PMR, tricosor, stadium raja bersiong, burn the gombang!

Honeymoon, 3rd best, freedom, burung, penguin, lambatnya 2000.

Senior, segregation, kencing berdarah, sket je boi, gantung, Ulu Chepor, SPM, SPM? oh shit...

05.12.1995-05.12.2011: 16 years bros, Fiat Sapientia Virtus!

Roadblock

Lama dah tak update blog nih, busy kerja and busy layan anak. Masa terluang selain tuh buat tido dengan main FM. Pemain tegar since 1997, true story.

Anyway since office hours dah habis (kerja bank Fridays balik 4.45pm, SSJ!), and hujan boleh tahan menggila kat luar, aku bukak cerita lama sebagai mengisi masa lapang.

Malam tuh entah apa pasal, Manao ajak pegi downtown Cheras. Redneck Selama (RS) pon ada sekali, maybe lepas lepak minum kat Taman Dagang kot nih. Anyway, naik kereta aku pegi sana. Lepas pusing-pusing takde arah tujuan kat downtown, kitorang gerak nak balik Ampang. Sampai je dekat roundabout dekat Jalan Cheras (kot?) ade road block la pulak. Biasa la weekend.

Sampai je dekat road block tuh abang polis suruh gi tepi. Cool je la kan, memang tak speeding since baru lepas roundabout, seat belt pon pakai. Bukak tingkap, tegur adik polis (baru perasan muda lagi polis tuh, confirm aku lagi tua).

"mintak IC, lesen"

Dia tenung lama, then pandang muka aku plak lama-lama. Aku dah nervous. Takkan muka dah lain sangat dengan gambar kot.

"Lesen latest ade?"
"Yang tu la latest"
"Yang nih dah mati. Sure takde yang lagi baru?"

Sudah! Menggelabah buat-buat bukak wallet belek semua card yang ada padahal hati dah tahu memang takde lain dah.

"Kalau takde cakap takde, tak payah panjang cerita"

Tahu pulak dia aku pura-pura, damn. Dia suluh dalam kereta kat Manao, then kat RS. Manao muka kaki pukul, RS memang tak nampak langsung muka dalam gelap. Kena senyum baru nampak. Kot.

"Lagi dua orang ada IC, lesen tak?"

Gelabah la kawan-kawan aku keluarkan IC semua bagai tunjuk kat adik polis. Dia tgk RS punya kejap,

"Tukar driver, suruh kawan kau yang bawak kereta. Lepas nih pegi buat lesen baru"

Dengan pantas Manao tukar tempat dan kami berlalu pergi. Rasanya kalau bukan pasal kad kuasa TUDM Captain RS, confirm kena saman dah aku. Ye lah, lesen dh mati SETAHUN.

At least jimat RM30 ye tak for one year renewal fee? Hehe

Letter To An Infant

Dearest,

I have written and rewritten this letter so many times I lost count. It took me so long, you are now 6 weeks old. I want this to be perfect, yet I know I will fail.

I will always remember the moments that I held you in my arms. Whenever your eyes looked into mine, I melted like butter in the hot sun. I'll always remember the way your small mouth pouts whenever you're content, and your toothless grins when you're drowsy.

I hope you will love travelling as much as I do. I hope you'll find joy taking long spartan train rides and walking for hours in some foreign cities. I hope you'll soak yourself in the differing cultures and not mind carrying around heavy backpacks and sleeping in some cheap motel. I hope you'll embrace the sands and beaches, and also the streets and fountains of the world. I hope your idea of travelling is not just a quick flight to a fancy hotel and guided tours.

I hope you'll take a shine to photography because I want to spend hours with you on photography trips, and be able to teach you a thing or two about apertures and shutter speeds. I want you to do it because it gives you satisfaction and not because the hipster kid next door is doing it too.

I hope you'll be interested in the outdoors, and we can go on camping trips just the two of us. We'll swim in the icy cold water of the river in the mornings and start a barbecue at night and I will tell you the best horror stories I can come up with so that you'll want to sleep close to me.

I hope you'll enjoy football so we can go to matches together. I hope you wouldn't mind the crowd and the deafeniing roar, and I hope you'll feel the elation of winning though sometimes you will have to bear the bitterness of defeat.

I hope for so many things but the truth is, I just want you to be your own man. Always remember your roots, and you would not stray far. Be kind always, have patience and have as little regrets in life as possible. You will have heartbreaks and you will break hearts. Cherish your family, especially mama. You will understand why when you have your own child later, trust me. Treasure your good friends because some do stick around for life. Love and be loved in return, and the world is a much better place for it.

I love you.

Yours truly,
Abah.

Bulan Malu

Two weeks ago:
I went down to SDMC's parking to move my car nearer to the lifts in case the wife can be discharged the next day. Since I was already down, I thought why not get a quick drink at mamak across the road. Just a quick limau ais would be just fine.

So I walked over and sat down and ordered. Soon my drink came, and I was sipping it happily when I realized, mana aku bawak wallet turun tadi!

I mulled asking the brader at the next table for a RM2 quick loan, but muka tak cukup tebal pulak. So finally I got up and walked to the counter when no one else was paying.

"Boss, I tertinggal duit lah. Kejap lagi I datang balik bayar OK, amek duit kejap dekat hospital"

Nasib baik anney tuh OK, tapi memang laju ah aku pergi ambil duit and datang balik bayar, Sumpah malu.

Last week:
Went out for lunch with Haz and he specifically wanted to eat 'mat salleh', so we walked over to Nando's. Ordered, ate, chatted, laughed. Then we asked for the bill. We took out our wallets,

"Eh Haz, aku rasa aku short nih. Cover dulu, jap lagi aku bayar"
"Bro, aku pon ada Rm20 je aku rase nih"

Brader waiter dah buat muka ketat.

"OK, jom pool up our money tengok berapa ada"

Nervous giggle, while avoiding brader waiter's steely gaze.

"Takpe lah, abang bayar je berapa yang ade"
"Eh cukup nih kot, bro aku ade RM24 je. Kau ade berape?"
"Jap - RM25. Alamak sen tak cukup!"
"Takpe la bang, nih pon dah OK.."
"Hah ade sen dalam poket!"

Muka tebal macam tayar dah rasa.

Masterchef

Last week, on a whim I decided to cook for berbuka. I checked the pantry and saw that I have enough to cook up some spaghetti aglio olio, so I boiled some water for the spaghetti, chopped up garlic and some herbs, heated some olive oil in the pan, put the spaghetti in the boiling water with some olive oil and salt, then put the chopped up garlic and herbs in the pan, along with some chili flakes. For flavour, I threw in some coarse salt too. When the spaghetti's nicely al dente, I drained most of the water, put the spaghetti in the pan, added some of the spaghetti water, and after a while it's done!

Transferred the whole thing to a bowl, with a thong I nicely picked up the spaghetti and put it on the plates like I learned on Masterchef :D. Pretty soon, it's time to berbuka already so we tucked in heartily.

Then suddenly a silence and we looked at each other.

"I rasa kalau letak salt and pepper OK sikit kot?"

Susah betul masak time puasa nih when you can't tell sugar from salt.

Thank You

Last week I was in Phnom Penh for work. The trip reminded me of the first time I was there in 2008. There were 6 of us, and we were having some drinks and snacks at a nice french-style cafe somewhere in the city. As we were about to leave, I decided to ask the waitress who was standing nearby:

"How do you say 'thank you' in Cambodia?"
"Thank you" she replied with a smile.

Confused silence, then slowly apprehension came over me.

"I mean, how do say 'thank you' in Khmer?"
"Aw khun" she replied with a bigger smile.

Siot, aku kena bahan dengan awek Cambodia!

Guna

Kat Kuala Kangsar dulu-dulu ada dua kedai gunting mamak yang kitorang selalu pergi. Satu nama Romeo, satu lagi Guna. Satu sama row dengan tailor Side Two dengan kedai Seri Menanti (cuba la makan sini, memang sumpah korang kena tunggu lama nak dapat food), lagi satu dekat lembah dekat-dekat Cyber Valley cybercafe port budak-budak fly lepak main game dan hisap rokok. Tak tahu la ada lagi ke tak semua kedai-kedai aku sebut, nih zaman 90s dulu punya cerita.

Anyway, Guna nih memang suka buat lawak ganas-ganas. Sikit-sikit cakap nak potong telinga lah apa lah, memang cuak. Tapi dia potong ok, tak macam Romeo yang potong semua pesen sama je. Pastuh taruk bedak Holiday On Ice plak tuh, baunya ya rabbi. Sideburn confirm pedih kena tarah dengan blade dia, aduhh...

Ok berbalik kepada Guna, one day aku pergi la nak potong rambut. Kalau tak potong karang kena pelempang dengan Cikgu Yop lagi lepas inspection, pekak jugak telinga kejap. Sambil Guna potong rambut aku, ade sorang lagi brader india dok sebelah. Brader tuh dok baca paper Tamil, tak sure la plak Tamil Nesan ke ape. Aku tengok cover depan, sama gambar macam cover Utusan yang aku baru baca tadi, gambar rompakan bank kot. Selamba la gua refer kat gambar tuh sambil buat small talk dengan Guna:

"Rompakan bank kat Kuantan, satu juta hilang kan?" sambil mata jeling ke paper tuh and angkat kening sikit.

Tiba-tiba Guna berhenti potong rambut aku and tengok muka aku ikut cermin tak berkelip.

"You reti baca Tamil ka?!!"

Menyumpah Guna bila aku explain hal sebenar. Nasib baik tak tobek rambut aku dia bantai.