Human Hovercraft

I hate going shopping for new boxers at Isetan KLCC, but invariably I would always end up there. I hate it because every single time I went to the undies section of the men's department and walked over to the place where they have my preferred brand, there will be a female promoter standing nearby watching me. How uncomfortable is that?

I'm fickle with my boxers, I only buy those that I think looks nice (besides the obvious cutting, price and brand). Which means I would spend some time looking through the selection. All the while this girl would hover very closely and keep asking what colour I'm looking for, what size, what brand etc.

If I said it once that 'it's alright, I can handle it', don't ask the same damn question after 5 minutes!

Come on, put yourself in my shoes. How would you like it if when you're trying to buy a bra and a male promoter is asking you questions like what's your cup size, and eyeing your choices too. Not so fun, isn't it?

I know you're trying to help, or perhaps your boss have made it clear that no customer shall be left unattended or something, but hovering like that when a man is trying to buy his undies is not the way to go. On several occassions I left without buying because it got too annoying.

If somehow anyone who works in Isetan is reading this, please let those girls know. Especially since I have to go on another boxers shopping trip soon *sweats*

Sunday Rebellion

It was a Sunday back in 1996, just after the morning prep class.We would mostly just laze around waiting for lunch, not that it's any good but because there's nothing else to do.

Suddenly a friend came up to my dorm and declared that he saw "pakcik dining hall masak lauk pakai selipar!"

Well, we all know the pakcik had a very relaxed attitude towards hygiene (he usually smokes while cooking, often shirtless too), but this must be a new low! Even if there wasn't enough cutleries to use to stir the lauk, surely there are better things to use than the trusty green selipar jepun.

So we trooped down and headed for the dining hall kitchen. We were ready to raise hell, we had enough of this lackadaisical attitude. In no time, we were face to face with the pakcik.

And he was stirring the lauk with a normal laddle, while the offending selipar jepun is worn on his feet as normal. The surprised look on his face was priceless.

"Aku tak cakap pon dia pakai selipar tuh buat kacau lauk, hahaha!"

Nasib baik aku tak ingat siapa kau...

Luarbiasa Baik

If a friend who haven't spoken to you in ages suddenly call you up for coffee, be wary. It's one of three - insurance, MLM or to borrow some money. Okay there's a fourth which is genuine friendly intentions, but that almost never happens right?

On to this MLM shit, do you know anyone who actually made it big with any of the gazillion MLM companies out there? I was almost fooled by a friend back in uni (perhaps not his intention, but I don't know), he put up a full blown presentation for friends on the 'unique' strategy of CNI. Reportedly he's earning 4 figures monthly even then. Now he's still just a peon like most of us, waiting for the next paycheck.

This other girl was also into CNI wholeheartedly to the point that she blackmailed me into going to a CNI meet with her. Of course, once there I was so tickled by the absurdness of it I actually burst out laughing and got kicked out. Safe to say she never invited me back. Oh and her, she's still working with a relative of hers and stayed with another relative for a few years before finally renting a place for herself. I wonder where did all those 'millions' went to?

Another guy was big into Omega Trend or something, and he really went into it headfirst. He even quit his studies and pursued it full time since he said he'll earn more money doing that than being an engineer anyway. A few years later, we're all in our final year and he had just rejoined and restarted his engineering degree. He's driving a new Wira though, but he said his mom bought it for him.

Another guy was an acquantaince of my ex, whom I went to see just to see what's his 'unique' proposition is. His story is so full of holes that if you add curry it'll be a tasty roti jala. Case in point, he said a kid who was his downline took it up part time for 3-months and managed to buy a brand new beemer. My ass. Which bank would give out such a loan, even if he paid cash it'll bring up a lot of red flags (student, suddenly having enough cash to plonk down for a new beemer, you do the math). Took him to task on a few points but left the rest for other people to have fun with.

Then I see all these people getting conned by e-mail scams (Nigerian money anyone?), SMS scams, scratch-and-win scams etc. When will people learn there's no such thing as easy money? With hard work, of course you can make the big bucks with MLM no doubt about it. But if you are that hardworking and persuasive, you might as well do Unit Trust or Insurance and have money and credibility innit? I always use this rule of thumb: if it sounds to good to be true, it prolly is.

Expert Analysis

"If they find something of interest in Asia that's at the right price, they may consider buying," - Mamoun Tazi, an analyst at MF Global Securities Ltd in London.

He was referring to a major global bank's takeover strategy. I think he's an idiot.

His 'analysis' is very broad and generalistic. Isn't it kinda obvious that everyone will only buy something that interest them if it's at the right price? I'm interested in a Ferrari but the price sure don't suit me (read: can't afford by miles!) so I'm not buying it. A Peugeot 206 however is at the right price, but it doesn't interest me.

Even worse, he used the words 'may consider buying'. That's another no-brainer, dimwit. I don't think I need to explain what's wrong with this right?

If his boss has any brains, he should give Mr. Tazi there a tight slap for making an ass out of the firm with that kind of statement.

Ahh, senseless rant. Happy Friday folks!

Fly

I admit, I was never a very good student in school. Probably I was back in primary school, but then that could be due to the fact that I have two teachers as parents so non-submission was not an option. But then I got my big break - boarding school!

If there's one school rule I broke over and over again unrepentantly, it was staying within the gates. It started way back in Form 1, believe it or not. I would walk nonchalantly through Cikgu Azmi aka Wawu's gates and go down to Lembah for the roadside cendol (before it moved to the current location, it used to be located right beside the main roundabout and we would sit on benches perched on top of drains).

In Form 2, we would go out via the fence behind the mosque since there's a stump nearby that can be used to step over the fence. Either that or through the drain at the far end of New Hostel (before they blocked it with steel bars).

In Form 3 we had to ask for 'permission' from the Form 5 to 'fly', and I slowed down a bit since every time you ask for permission you'll be tasked to buy burgers or something in return.

Then came Form 4 - honeymoon year. Not to stoke old fires but we were practically left to our own devices since the Form 5 were unable to reign us in. I started exploring new territories. Ipoh became next port of call, thanks to Red & Yellow Omnibus operating out of KK bus station. We would either go to town legally on Saturdays and get changed in the public toilets and rush up the buses, or go out at night and spend the night at mosques in Ipoh. I know, what was I thinking? We went to Ipoh mostly to catch new movies at Ipoh Parade, or play arcade games at Yik Fong. That year, the best way out was through the gap in the fence leading to parking area for lorries. Most of us can fit through then, not sure now though =P

In Form 5, of course we can do whatever we want now. I took it another step further, fly to KL! First time I did it because Tuah asked me to accompany him because he wanted to go to Sg Wang to buy a new deck (skateboard, not cards). He's even paying for my bus ticket! So I went, arrived at Pudu and went to Sg Wang for a few hours and took the night train back to Kuala Kangsar. That year, going out was made easier when we befriended the guy who worked the kitchens. Thus Ekspres Surabaya was born - the dining hall van =D The fella would drive and we would lie flat on our backs until we got past the guardhouse, then he would drop us anywhere in town. But of course, you have to book your 'seats' early since it can fit only 4-5 guys in one trip and there's only one trip each night. Coming back in was usually via climbing over the connecting gate to the mosque and then making a dash for the safety of the dorms.

My parents would've been disappointed or even perhaps downright angry if they found out then, but since now I turned out not so bad after all I guess I can reveal some stuff now =P I am glad I did those things though, since life would be a lot less exciting if I hadn't. So yeah, perhaps I never was a teacher's favourite or a top student, but I don't regret a thing. Carpe diem fellas, carpe diem ;)